Current mood:	listless
Current music:	stayover - misery

190. sad
I was at the store today buying some seeds to plant in his burial spot and saw all the Easter products. When I was little, I wasn't the best egg hunter. My brother would find all the eggs and I would be dejected. So they started putting eggs near my bird's cage or on top of it: somewhere I could find it. My brother rarely ventured near him because he was afraid of being bitten. I always took care of him so I had no such qualms. I think those were the only eggs I ever found. My brother always beat me to the other ones.

He loved eating apples. I tried to find a tree to plant but I couldn't find any. I guess it's too cold. Whenever we chopped apple slices (usually in the evening), he would ask to have some too. :] He hasn't been speaking as much the past few years. I guess all the changes had something to do with that. He wasn't around people as much (he used to be by the front door). In a way, he was like a guard bird. :) He would talk whenever he heard someone walking up the stairs. He even imitated the squeaking of the door. After the move, he continued to make that same sound. After we got our dog, he learned how to call out her name after a week. He was such a loyal pet. :(**** I think his safe place was taken away from him. He was away from his family.

I guess it's hard for me because I have regrets about the past few years. I don't think he was treated as well as he deserved. I feel horrible. I think this guilt and sadness is keeping me up at night. I also still can't get his image out of my mind. I hate thinking that he may have suffered in his final moments.

I'm not religious. I don't have a faith. I wonder where he is now. I only hope that he's in a better place. All dogs go to heaven. I hope all birds do too. :]