Current mood:

somber

188. r.i.p.
Part of my daily routine is to feed my bird when I get home. That part of my day will never be the same again. :( I found him on the floor of his cage stiff and immobile. I screamed his name, hoping that he would respond. But nothing came out of his mouth. He didn't greet me as he normally does. I let out a cry. I still didn't want to believe that he was gone. He's supposed to live as long as a human. What took away this young life?

I've noticed a mouse scurrying from his cage these past two weeks. I set some sticky traps for it but it hasn't been caught. Could it be the culprit? Or did he just catch a disease and I didn't know it? It's gotten colder lately. There's so many things that could be wrong. Do pets get autopsies?

I got a box and something soft to cushion his body in and brought it to the cage. When I picked up his body and saw what had been done to him, I started crying. He had been decapitated. *sobs* My bird. :( I couldn't find his head anywhere. I know it sounds disgusting but I wanted to put his head with his body. I mean it would have been better if it had been attached and even better if he were still alive...His claws were clenched the way he does when I hold him in my hands. He wraps his claws together and I hold him upside down in the palm of my hands. Or I let him sit like that in my lap. *cries* No more. He's gone. Gone forever. I won't be able to hear him anymore, he won't bend his little neck to let me scratch it, or nuzzle me with his beak. He will not climb onto my hand and slowly make his way up my arm (painful it was).

When I was little, I would dream about the kind of house I would have when I grew up.  One "room" in my dream home was going to be an aviary for my bird.  The room would be brimming with plants and trees and he would have friends to play with him.  I would build the home myself or at least help design it.  My other idea would be a room with life-like plants painted on walls and everything else would be the same.  These past few years, I haven't been playing with him as much as I know I should.  Maybe he was lonely.  Lately, I've been saying to myself that I will go play with him on weekends.  Now there aren't any more weekends for him.  :(  This makes me so sad.  I need to find a spot to bury him.  I want to take him to a state park but that's illegal, isn't it?  He was my very first pet.  I thought he would live with me when I got married.  We would grow old together.  I used to think that he would outlive me.  I feel sick to my stomach.  And I can't get the image of him out of my head.  It's like I've lost a family member.